Bundle on the doorstep
by Blahsblah2001
Summary: New chapter by Verity Niwa! Hakkai and Gojyo are getting used to having a baby around... NOT!
1. Blahsblah2001

Disclaimer: I am the master of ownage. I've owned my sister into the ground... but I don't own Saiyuki.

* * *

It is normal, for Cho Hakkai, to be leaving the house at seven in the morning.

It is normal for his red- headed companion to be still in bed at the time.

It is normal for Hakkai to yell something important over his shoulder, and so naturally was not watching his feet as he stepped outside.

It is not normal for there to be a rather large something on their front step, so therefore it was normal for Hakkai to accidentally kick it.

It is most definitely not normal for things, left on porches overnight and accidentally kicked, to begin crying.

Not normal at all.

Feeling an eerie sense of dread wash over him, Hakkai knelt down to examine the bundle inside the basket. A red- headed creature looked back out through scrunched eyes. It continued to wail.

Having a tiny bit of experience with children, Hakkai picked it up carefully. It stopped crying, which was a relief. Holding the baby in one arm and the basket in another, he backed up into the house.

"Gojyo?"

"Whaaat?" the pile of rumpled blankets replied irritably.

"This might be important."

"Will it be less important in three hours?"

"Probably not."

"Then tell me about it then."

"Gojyo, someone left a baby in our doorway."

"Who?"

"There doesn't seem to be a reply address."

"Har har har."

Gojyo rolled off the bed, landing on the ground. A person less familiar with his morning habits might have asked if he was okay, but Hakkai knew better. A nice jolt, Gojyo swore, was the best way to wake up in the morning. Coffee was for wussies.

More awake than he had just been, he blinked sleepily at the kid, who sort of gurgled in reply. Satisfied, Gojyo turned upward to Hakkai.

"It's not mine."

"Well, I'm sure you don't think so, but-"

"Look at her hair. One parent was a redhead and the other was blonde."

"So?"

"I've sworn off blondes, ever since we got back from India."

Gojyo didn't give a reason for this boycott, and Hakkai didn't ask. He could guess, and he guessed it had something to do with months sitting staring at the back of a certain monk's head.

"So what do we do?"

"What are you asking me for? You're the one who's good with kids."

"Well, it's your house."

Gojyo pretended to consider.

"Let's give her to Sanzo. After all, look how the last one turned out."

"…Let's not."

"Then you decide. I'll give you my input in about three hours."

This decision made, Gojyo returned to his bed and proceeded to fall dead asleep.

"Well, for now, the best we can do is give you some food. Poor thing, it's freezing out there!"

He put the baby back in the basket, where it continued to gurgle. Good baby.

"I hope we have something left other than ramen. I do most of the cooking so there's usually food in here. Except today, when I had to go out and get some. I was just leaving, when I kicked you. Sorry about that, by the way."

"No problem. Can't be helped, old chap," Said the baby, but being a baby and all it sounded sort of like "mm- ehmm mrmmr ptth," followed by some giggles.

Hakkai realized he was talking to a possibly sleeping infant who couldn't understand him at all.

"Isn't talking to kids supposed to help them learn, though?"

I don't know. Yeah, I guess so. Fine, talk to whatever you want, Hakkai.

"Thank you."

(He talks to Jiipu, too, but you don't see HIM coming up with any English.)

"Jiipu's a friggin dragon! Will the two of you just SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP?

"Oh, Yes, sorry, Gojyo.

Yeah, what he said.

Hakkai rifled through the cupboards and fridge, and basically came up with four kinds of ramen and the last of the stew they'd had the night before. Anything that required cooking he had to make, because Gojyo, Bachelor Extraordinaire, could happily live off ramen, cigarettes, and beer for the rest of his life.

After a few minutes of contemplation, Hakkai decided that big chunks of vegetable and beef weren't going to cut it, so he just heated up some of the broth. It would have to do until he could get some milk or something.

Sigh.

* * *

Punch.

"Go away."

Punch.

"Dammit, Hakkai…"

"Well, I started trying to wake you up five minutes ago, but shaking you just wasn't doing the trick."

"What do you need? I went to bed four hours ago…"

"I know. Look, I just need you to watch her for a while, okay?"

"Her who?" Gojyo asked, a bit more interested at the mention of a female.

"The baby."

"Oh yeah. Man, that wasn't a dream?" Interest gets bored and wanders off to other things.

"No. Look, just make sure she doesn't eat anything off the floor or… you know. Anything dangerous. Do you think you can handle this for a few hours?"

"No."

"Too bad."

"Fine. Three more minutes."

"Chi balls can light mattresses on fire."

Gojyo took a moment to connect this seemingly irrelevant fact to his current circumstances.

"I'm up."

Thump. Roll.

"I'm glad."

The door swung open and then closed and then there was just Gojyo… and a baby.

Scary.

* * *

Alright, end chapter one! So, I had an idea: This is gonna be a tag story! I tag Nimblnymph. That means YOU get to write the next chapter! And then tag someone else.

(To upload chapters, send 'em to me and I'll upload them onto this story. That way we'll be able to keep track of 'em.)


	2. Nimblnymph

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is fun! Something I've never done before, so. . . I'm going to tag Greyliliy! This seems like something you might like! And onward now with my portion of the story. . . Oh, and this chapter is rate T for language, okay?

Gojyo cracked an eye open. Warm sunlight was hitting his back. He'd woken up for some reason. . . what the hell was it? Hakkai, that's right. Hakkai had gotten him up at the ass-crack of dawn for something. Something important. . . he'd been too damn tired to really pay attention. Gods, why couldn't Hakkai just sleep in like a normal person? Him and that blonde dick of a monk were the only people he knew who could be up and ready for anything before the sun was in the sky. The only thing HE'D wake up for was a hot chick in his bed. Wait, women. . . that reminded him of the Very Important Thing. What the hell was it. . . ?  
"Oh, FUCK!"  
The baby!  
Gojyo sat up, suddenly wide awake. Hakkai would do worse than kill him if that brat died! He'd throw out his porno mags. . . his toys. . . hell, he might even castrate him! Rolling off the bed with a sharp thud, he scrambled over to the basket with a soft pinky bow tied to it.  
"Hey, baby, are you dead? Shit. . . don't be dead, please!"  
The little baby wrinkled her eyes, fists scrunching up tightly before settling back asleep. Gojyo let out a sigh of relief, running a shaking hand through his tangled hair. Son of a BITCH! There was a perfectly good reason he didn't own anything alive! No pets, no house plants. . . the only thing living in his house was bacteria. Unless Hakkai went crazy with the bleach again. Until Hakkai had come along, he didn't even really have grass.  
Leaning back enough to fish his cigarettes and lighter off the night stand, Gojyo popped one between his lips and lit up.  
"I don't give a shit if Hakkai finds out I smoked around you. After that scare, I NEED this if you expect to stay here for any amount of time!"  
The only response was some kind of spitty-gurgling sound before saliva bubbles came from parted little lips. Ew. . . she was almost as bad as the monkey! Shaking his head, Gojyo once again wondered why the hell anyone would want a kid. Puppies were cute, why not get one of them? After they turned about four or so, they were well behaved. Kids were never well behaved. Any parent who said so was a fucking liar and should get bent. Sighing, Gojyo blew the smoke away from the baby and stood up, stretching. Hakkai better not be all day about grocery shopping. he sure as hell wasn't sitting here the whole day playing babysitter to someone else's whelp!  
"I'm making ramen. Don't wake up."  
Gojyo left the room, heading into the kitchen. He knew there was plenty of ramen left. Hakkai never touched the stuff, not unless he had to. Maybe it was something about them living off of it for a few months. Naw, couldn't be that! He'd been having this shit since he was four. Pouring water into a small pan, he struck a match and lit the gas range up, shaking the match out before setting the pot to boil. That should take a few minutes. Enough time to suck down the rest of his smoke.  
As he waited for the water to heat up, he found the last of the instant coffee and mixed it with cold water from the tap. Gross? Hell yes. But effective? An even bigger hell YES! He chugged it back quickly, grimacing at the bitterness of coffee without something in it. He knew for a fact he didn't have any sugar. Hakkai had used it all a couple days ago to make cookies with Goku. Bastard!  
Placing his cup in the sink, he was thinking about getting another cigarette when he heard a sound. It was to most horrible sound in the world. Worse than the sound of a monkey wailing for food. Worse even than the sound of a bullet lodging itself somewhere near his head. This was the sound of. . .  
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"  
"For the luvva the gods," he muttered, trudging back into the bedroom.  
"Goddamn it, Hakkai, hurry and get your ass back here!"  
The baby was wailing her little head off, face almost as red as her hair. Tiny arms were flailing everywhere, big fat tears were running down her cheeks. . . and big fat drool drops were pooling on her chin. Lovely. . . she was gonna be a reeeeeal keeper when she grew up! Gojyo stared at the wailing mass and had no fucking clue what to do.  
"Oi, shut it!"  
Nothing.  
He poked her in the stomach.  
The wailing only got louder.  
Shit. . . was he actually gonna have to pick the thing up? Grimacing, Gojyo reached down with both hands, placing them on either side of the little stomach. He lifted her up, keeping her at arms length. He didn't think it was possible, but her tiny lungs sent out a new louder blast of sound that actually made his ears ring. Okay, she didn't like being held like that. Maybe just a little closer. . .  
"Oh. . . WHOA! What the fuck died in your diaper?"  
It was when he brought her closer that the stench finally assailed his nose. That was nastier than when the monkey had spicy food! Even Hakkai had forced him to sleep in the hall way that night. The diaper was hanging funny on her teeny hips, all saggy in the ass area. he'd heard horror stories from friends of his that had gotten married. Diaper Duty. . . not one of them had a nice story to tell of that.  
"I should just leave you for Hakkai to clean up!"  
He should. . . but he knew the screams wouldn't stop. And that was about the only thing he really wanted right then. Glancing around for a place to put her, his eyes fell on the perfect spot. An evil smile crept onto his lips as he took in the perfectly made bed, pillows fluffed up and not a crease in the blanket. Moving quickly, he plopped the baby down on Hakkai's bed, unfastening the snaps lining the bottom of her sack-outfit-thingy to reveal kicking legs with the most tiny toes he'd ever seen. They were almost cute. . .  
Unfortunately though, that thought lasted about two seconds. Unsnapping the outfit had only made the smell worse. Gojyo turned away, gagging at the overwhelming scent of feces and urine. GODS! That was just so wrong, so very wrong! Hakkai was buying him booze for the next damn month for this! Reaching down hesitantly, he undid the over sized clothing pins on either side of the cloth diaper. He carefully unfolded one side, and then the other before peeling the front down.  
"GODS ALMIGHTY! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EAT? AND HOW DID YOU MAKE IT INTO THIS MESS?"  
Gojyo backed away, waving a hand in front of his face. Hakkai complained about his cigarettes smelling bad. Yeah, and a kid was such a bed of goddamn roses! She'd eaten something kind of brownish-greenish, and when he found out what it was, he was gonna make damn sure she didn't get it again.  
He didn't give a shit (no pun intended) if the diaper was reuseable. He gathered it together, pinching the edges into a tight knot to keep the stuff in, and made a mad dash for the door. The baby continued to scream and cry inside as he dumped it into the garbage can before sprinting back into the house.  
"Okay, okay, I'm here. Most of the time girls don't scream until I'm in bed with them!  
"Great, the diaper was off and in the trash. What next? Wipe her ass.  
"Aw, fuuuuuck! Hakkai's gonna go nuts when he sees what you've done to his bed!"  
By removing the diaper, her ass (still smeared in crap) had landed square on Hakkai's sheets. He'd just washed them yesterday.  
Throwing his arms up in frustration, Gojyo went into the bathroom, grabbing the roll of toilet paper from the wall. Unrolling more than he could hope to ever use in a week, he began wiping the nearly-liquid shit off the baby, face twisting into a look of utter disgust. As the toilet paper got used, he threw it into the trash can by Hakkai's bed. He'd dump it later. Right now, he had to clean her off.  
Once that was done, Gojyo let out a long breath.  
"Damn, are you high maintainance! And why the hell are you still crying?"  
This was ridiculous! He never signed on for anything like this. At best, he hated kids. So why the hell did he get stuck watching one? Staring at her, half naked and screaming as loud and long as she could draw breath, he realized he was forgetting something. Like a diaper. Great, what the fuck was he supposed to use for a diaper?  
Another horrible idea came to him and he quickly pulled the top drawer to Hakkai's dresser open, rummaging around the neatly folded t-shirts, boxers, matched socks until. . .   
"Haha! Here ya go."  
He unfolded the green bandana that was a little faded and stained from travel. Tucking the sides in and folding the top into place, Gojyo quickly pinned the material onto the baby, pleased with himself for his first diaper. not too bad, either, he had to admit. He finished dressing her and picked her up off the soiled bed, leaning her head against his shoulder. As soon as he did that, she stopped crying. A tiny little thumb found it's way into her mouth and. . . she closed her eyes.  
"I'll be damned," he muttered, carrying her out of the room. He went into the kitchen and turned the rolling water off. No way he was gonna be able to eat anyway after that odor. Taking a seat on the couch (the futon had been replaced recently with it), Gojyo patted the baby's back gently, flicking his hair out of the way. Now that she was quiet, she was actually REALLY cute, he decided.  
"Bleuuup."  
"What the. . . you've gotta be shittin' me!"Gojyo glared death at that Product Of Hell before setting her down on the sofa, still fast asleep. Little bitch threw up all over his bare shoulder! He stomped into the kitchen and grabbed a dish cloth, not really caring if Hakkai threw a fit about him using it for anything but dishes. He finally took a seat at the small kitchen table, lighting a cigarette. The minute Hakkai got home, he was out!  
"Hi, I'm back! How is- oh!" Hakkai, eyes wide in surprise, quickly grabbed the baby thrust at him, balancing it between an overwhelming amount of groceries and baby paraphernalia.  
Gojyo walked on by, swinging his jacket on.  
"Have fun with the little shit demon." he called back. "And change your sheets!"  
"Change my. . . Gojyo, what happened to my sheets?"

This chapter brought to you by Nimblnymph, let's all give her a round of applause!


	3. Greylily

Bundle on the Doorstep –tag game

Part 3

Hey! GreyLiliy here, and I am happy to be in on the fun of this little tag game! For chapter four, I tag Diva Urd! Can't wait to see what she comes up with!

But for now, I present Chapter 3, rated T for language.

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Hakkai was not happy. Somehow he had managed to clean his sheets, put the groceries away, set up a playpen and a portable pink baby cot, all in a few hours while at the same time entertaining the bundle of joy left on their doorstep. Also during this time, he somehow managed to deal with two door-to-door salesmen who just couldn't take a hint and required a chi-blast and a smile to leave. He also happened to discover that the child had quite the set of lungs when she had cried her eyes out for two straight hours. Hakkai dropped into his chair at the table like a forgotten sack of potatoes collapsing in the barn. The baby was _finally_ asleep, and speaking of the little _joy_, she still needed a name.

"I'll worry about it later." Hakkai leaned his head into his arms and yawned. Gojyo was still out and his forgotten smokes were sitting on the table. Hakkai briefly wondered if the man counted how many he had in the pack. "At least it can't get any worse."

The doorbell rang and Hakkai prayed to every god in the heavens that the baby didn't wake up. At the sound of excited knocking, Hakkai knew exactly who was at his door this time. Just what he needed to finish off such a perfect day, really. He dragged himself to the door before straightening and re-plastering the smile on his face.

"How good to see you Goku, Sanzo."

"Hi Hakkai!" Goku bound into the living room after Hakkai opened the door for him and stopped dead center in the room. "Hakkai, why's there baby stuff everywhere?"

"Please tell me you didn't let a child around that idiot of a water sprite, even if it is his." Sanzo entered and allowed Hakkai to shut the door.

"It's sort of a long story, could you please keep down? The baby's sleeping in the next room." Hakkai smiled. "What brings you here so late and would you like some tea?"

"We got stuck entertaining a few morons for a few extra hours than planned, so we thought we'd stop and stay the night." Sanzo put a cigarette in his mouth but was prevented from lighting it. "Hakkai, do you have a death wish?"

Hakkai chuckled and set the Marlboro he has swiped back onto the table. "No smoking anywhere around the baby."

"So in other words, you have a death wish by forbidding me to smoke?"

"It's bad for the baby, Sanzo."

"What baby, Hakkai?" Goku had finished examining the baby toys and things sitting in the living room and bounced over to Hakkai. That mobile with the little monkeys on it was rather cute. Not that he'd tell anyone he thought so because he'd never hear the end of it.

"Yes, do tell us why there's a baby in your house." Sanzo pulled a chair and sat down. "Not that I really care why since it has nothing to do with me."

Sanzo's glare seemed to make that last statement more of an order. Hakkai chuckled. "Of course, but to be honest, we found it in a basket on our doorstep. All wrapped up and neat, much like you see in the movies."

"You're kidding, right?" Sanzo lifted an eyebrow.

"Nope."

"Can I see it!" Goku was positively beaming at the thought of getting to see a tiny baby.

"Where's the water sprite at?" Sanzo wondered.

"He left, as soon as I came home." Hakkai looked at the clock; it was nearing ten. "And I doubt he's coming home tonight."

"Figures."

"Hakkai!" Goku whined. "I want to see the baby."

"Not," Hakkai paused and kept his temper in check. "While it's sleeping, Goku."

"Well, I can see that there won't be much room for us tonight." Sanzo stood. "We'll just be on our way, then."

Hakkai grabbed Sanzo's arm. "Oh, no. I insist that you stay. It's much too late for you to be out and traveling, Sanzo."

"Bull."

"You did say you came to spend the night." Hakkai smiled. There was no way in hell he was staying here alone with that _darling_ little child all night.

"You're plotting." Sanzo tugged at his arm.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sanzo." Hakkai continued to smile brightly.

"Uh, guys." Goku tapped Hakkai on the shoulder. He briefly switched his glance to realize Hakkai had quite a grip on Sanzo's arm. That would bruise, but he had something more important. "I heard a thump in the other room."

"Oh dear." Hakkai headed straight for the backroom, dragging Sanzo with him.

"You sure it's not Gojyo's kid?" Sanzo stated once they stared in the room. "It's as dumb as him."

"Sanzo." Hakkai scolded. He went down to coddle the slightly dazed baby. The poor thing had fallen out of the basket and was too shocked to realize it hurt. He pet the small red mark swelling on its head. Well, she was quiet for a short time, anyway.

"Shit! That thing's got a powerful set of lungs!" Goku covered his ears. "How can it cry that loud?"

"Hakkai!" Sanzo backed up towards the wall. "Shut the thing up!"

"Stop yelling and maybe I can." Hakkai held the poor thing close. Somehow seeing its pathetic injured state made her less evil than before. "It's okay, you're okay."

"She fell out of her basket and hit the floor on her head. How's she okay?" Goku pondered and poked the baby.

The small red-headed child screamed louder for emphasis. "Goku, please. Sanzo, any suggestions? You've raised a child."

"Goku was twelve when I grabbed him. And as much as he whined, I don't think you'd approve of me whacking the thing on the head." Sanzo reached for a cigarette while Hakkai's hands were full.

"No smoking around the baby." Hakkai glared. Sanzo put the cigarette away. "Please, settle down."

"Let me try!" Goku reached out for the baby.

Hakkai looked at those waiting open arms and considered his options. He eventually caved in and handed the baby over. "Be gentle, Goku."

"I will!" Goku held it close. "Hey there, little fella."

"It's crying louder, Hakkai." Sanzo snarled. He did _not_ get paid enough to deal with this shit.

"Oh, dear." Hakkai just stared as the baby threw an absolute fit.

"She's pulling my hair!" Goku tried to release his head from the child's death grip. "Oh shit! It's going for my limiter! Sanzo take it! Take it!"

"Umph!" Sanzo expelled as the tiny figure was thrust into his unwilling arms. He barely kept from dropping the poor thing.

Hakkai and Goku stared as the room quieted. The small baby let out a contented giggle and snuggled into the crook of Sanzo's arm. They could hear the soft breathing of a sleeping infant soon afterwards.

"Well, I guess we found out who she likes." Hakkai laughed. "Why don't I go make us some tea?"

"Hakkai." Sanzo started. "Get back here. Don't leave me with this thing. Stop walking away! Don't you dare go out that door and I don't to hear bull about you going out to get more tea! There's some in the cabinet you bastard! Do you want to die?"

"I don't think he's coming back, Sanzo." Goku walked over and stood next to his guardian. Hakkai was practically whistling when he jumped out the door claiming to 'get tea from the shop in town.'

"Well, damn." Sanzo looked down at the tiny mop of red hair and sighed. Someone would pay for this.


	4. Diva Urd

Well, here's my contribution - sorry it didn't turn out to be funny like the others, it didn't come out as I had planned it at all, but it kind of wrote itself... I tag **Zelgadis55** for the next chapter!

---

Chapter 4

It had been a few hours since Hakkai left, and Sanzo started to have a sneaking suspicion that he did not plan to return any time soon. The child was in his arms - again. He had tried to put her back on the bed to finally be able to smoke a cigarette multiple times, but every time he had put her down, she promptly woke up and started bawling again.

_Little monster..._

If he thought about it, babies were a perfect reason for the monks of the temple to practice celibacy - this kind of ruckus would drive anyone trying to meditate straight up the wall.

Then again, sometimes even celibacy didn't keep you from having a constant annoyance around.

"Hey Sanzo, do you think Gojyo and Hakkai gave her a name yet?"

_Oh, to have a hand free to dish out some whacks with the fan..._

Sanzo felt a dull thudding starting to pulse in his temples - the beginnings of a nasty migraine.

"Do I look like I give a damn?"

Goku pouted at him.

"She should have a name, y'know... I dunno why, but... I seem to remember a time when I didn't have one, and I really didn't like it. Let's give her one - if Hakkai already picked one, we can always go with that later."

Sanzo shrugged, slightly startled by the monkey's vague memory, but still not interested enough to care.

"Do what you want."

Five minutes later, he began to sorely regret his offhand remark - because now Goku started talking to the baby, devising possible names and then discarding them again after a short look at the - still sleeping - child, as if she would somehow approve of a name once he came up with the right one.

"... no, I wouldn't name you after Lirin, she's way too annoying... what d'you think of 'Kanzeon'?"

At that one, Sanzo smirked. "You want to name the child after the old chick with dick? You've got even poorer taste than I thought."

He decided to make an executive decision then, not because he cared, but because he wanted Goku to finally shut the hell up.

"We'll call her 'Mei'. It's short and easy enough to remember - even for you and the red-headed cockroach."

Goku smiled, undeterred by the insult implied by the monk's remark. "That's a good name, Sanzo. Hakkai's right - you are good with kids!"

Sanzo grunted something unintelligible that sounded suspiciously like "Piss off."

---

Sanzo jolted up in his seat. It had gotten completely dark by now - obviously, he had fallen asleep a while back.

_No wonder, since I couldn't do anything because the brat held me hostage..._

The child...

He looked down and found his arms devoid of the baby. Had all of this stuff been some sort of bizarre nightmare?

He looked around and decided that Mei had indeed been for real - all the baby articles lying about the room wouldn't be there otherwise.

But then... where was she? Had he actually managed to put her to bed without her starting her head-splitting wailing again? A quick check told him that this was not the case.

Only then did he realize that he seemed to be alone in the house. Where the hell was Goku?

_Hn, he can look out for himself... but if I don't find the brat, Hakkai's gonna be pissed all to hell._

---

Half an hour later, Sanzo was in an extraordinary bad mood. After looking just about everywhere for the baby, he had decided to give it a rest and finally have a goddamn smoke. Maybe he'd come up with the hiding spot the little monster had found herself if he stepped away from the problem for five minutes and took some time to think.

_Where the fuck is Goku when you actually need him - damn monkey would've sniffed her out by now._

He had checked in all places a baby could possibly get to and even some that she couldn't possibly access by herself. He had looked under the beds, in the closet, in the oven, in the bath tub - hell, even in the fucking _toilet!_ - but still, no sign of Mei.

Angrily, he crushed the remains of his cigarette in Gojyo's ash tray, deciding to try and check outside for her.

He opened the door - and found himself face to face with Hakkai.

_Oh shit..._

"I am sorry for the long wait, Sanzo - the shop was all out of your favorite blend, so I had to search around for a little while... is she sleeping?"

Hakkai frowned as he saw the odd look the monk gave him - if he didn't know it better, he would describe it as the old "deer in the headlights"-look. Not very Sanzo-like - and definitely not a good sign.

His vague worries solidified when Sanzo backed away from him ever so slightly.

"Um... she might..."

Hakkai's frown deepened.

"Sanzo - where is she?"

The monk slowly shook his head.

"I have no clue. I've searched everywhere and I can't find her. Goku's gone, as well."

Had Hakkai not known him better, he would have sworn Sanzo was actually... worried.

"Well, we can search again together, but since she doesn't seem to be in the house, it might be that Goku took her along to wherever he went off to."

Sanzo looked up to meet Hakkai's gaze. How idiotic of him - he hadn't even considered that possibility!

"Goddamn monkey - he could have left a note or something..."

_... especially since he made me look like a complete moron! I swear, once I get my hands on him..._

Just at this inopportune point in time, said monkey strolled around the corner, the baby strapped into a carrying harness situated on his chest. He waved at the two older men, oblivious to the daggers Sanzo glared at him.

"Hello Hakkai, Sanzo! I just went out for a bit to see if anybody recognizes her - don't let Gojyo try, Hakkai, he'd want to keep her for all the attention he'd be getting from girls... OUCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

While Goku held his aching head, Sanzo put away the fan, took the baby out of the harness and gave it to Hakkai without a comment. Then, he turned back towards Goku - and whacked him over the head a couple more times for good measure.

"OW! That hurts, Sanzo!"

Sanzo looked at him out of still dangerously narrowed eyes.

"I hope you remember this little object lesson when you decide to run off again without telling anybody, idiot monkey."

Hakkai chuckled at the all-too-common display. "I believe that would be Sanzo's way of telling you that he was worried, Goku."

That promptly earned him a dirty look from Sanzo, as if he wanted to say, "Worried? Me? PAH!"

As usual, Goku didn't know when to back off. He began to grin again.

"You were worried about Mei, Sanzo?"

This time, Sanzo actually humphed. "As if I care about the brat."

Hakkai raised an eyebrow. "Mei?"

Goku nodded. "Sanzo gave her the name..."

That earned him another whack with the fan. "Because you wouldn't shut up about it! Now. Be. QUIET!"

Sanzo had shouted the last word, so it was no wonder that little Mei actually woke up and started her wailing concerto again.

"Oh my, she woke up!" Hakkai laughed.

"I'm going to prepare something to eat for her - could you take care of her until I'm done, Sanzo?"

Even though he got a grumbled "Whatever!" for an answer, Sanzo took her without protest and walked in after Hakkai. Again, Mei had stilled the moment she had ended up in the monk's arms, and Goku could have sworn he had seen a slight smile tugging on Sanzo's lips before he vanished in the darkness of the house. However, mentioning it would have resulted in another thrashing with the fan, so he decided to keep that little observation to himself as he followed the two men through the door.

* * *

Yaay! She's finally got a name!

It's a good one, too. Did you know Mei in Japanese means life? I only know that because it's the firstsyllable in my Japanese name.

Means some other stuff, too. I'l post it with the next chapter if I can find my notes.

Anyway, let's hear a round of applause for our Diva here!


	5. Pandect

**Pandect**: Well here you go! The pen hit the ground and I the freak to pick it up (coughLamecough). I want to thank **Blahsblah2001** for inviting me to the party…so enjoy I guess. For the next chap I tag **Selphiebunny**…but only if she wants to.

(Note from Blahsblah2001: Yo, thank you for continuing to story! I did some tiny edits, I think you're spellchecker's on drugs. O.O Also, could someone note Selphiebunny for me and tell her she's tagged? I'd do it but I'm UBER SWAMPED. Plus I have to dissappear for a while. I'll be back by the 20th.)

* * *

Gojyo sat by the bar as he played with the ice in his beer. He was not one to look this pathetic, but after having to take care of a baby he was not in the mood to reenact its conception. In the other hand a cigarette was held loosely between its fingers as he ejected a puff of smoke. His scarlet eyes scanned the room. It was a fairly mediocre bar with all the necessities, without having to be so drunk. It was also part restaurant so it wasn't too dreary. On one table red eyes saw a couple holding hands and talking. On another he saw two tables put together as a foursome played Mahjong. 

Gojyo felt the smirk slide off his face.So long he had spent playing that damn game that the red head would rather slit his eyes with Sanzo's paper fan then see another stupid slip of paper from the game.

As he turned his head to look at the exit he got this feeling. Like one you get when you meet someone that you felt you knew before. He only saw the back off the woman as she opened the door, but he had a feeling in his gut that hewas asdamn sure as his hairwas red. Gojyo also believed that one should always follow that gut.

Her hair was shoulder length sandy blonde and semi curly. Like no matter what you do it will always have that dirt look. The hand that touches the door knob looked pale and petit. She looked about the same height as Hakkai only slightly slimmer like she keeps forgetting to eat.

"Wait miss", Gojyo tried to sound casual thinking maybe she'd turn around to check to see if she forgotten something. Only she walked out even faster. Gojyo got up and paid his bill. Smirking smugly of course.

When he got out in to the late afternoon air he inhaled deeply and took a look around inhaling the night air. He caught a shadow walk through the alley.

"Found you" he whispered following the shadow. He semi picked up the pace. Not wanting to scare the woman, just wanting to get a glimpse of her. After allshe would be the mother of the surprise on his door step. And if he found that she was, he wanted to know why of all doors his won the Baby lottery.

When he got to the end of the alley he as he found the alley ended. There was no get in sight.

"Blondes", he mumbled lighting another cigarette. He had a couple of options: either go home to Hakkai and the bundle of _joy,_ or wander around looking for the Blonde.

"I guess I'll take my chances with the blonde," He walked around deciding he'd headed for the park. He thought as he puffed on the suicide stick that it was a bit odd for someone to go disappearing at the end of alley but that's probably what one must do to avoid being a parent. 'There are such things as condoms' Gojyo thought as he walked past the trees. He looked around at the people…well mostly at the chicks. There were all different kinds but not the one he was looking for. He let out at sigh.

And that's were he saw her.

She had a heart shaped face. A little chunk of her short blonde was grey with perhaps age or worry. Her eye were narrow with suspicion so he could barley make out the color. She was selling Leona's to some man with a kind smile on her lips. She was wearing a long baby blue dress with half sleeves.She thanked the customer as she tucked her hair behind her ear. Gojyo took a deep breath.

"Here goes nothing."

**Pandect**: Okay so I know it's not much but at least it can give the next person a bunch of ideas. By the way Leona's are those red flowers like the ones Gojyo gave to his mother when he was young.


	6. Filler

"Mei? MEI?"

Hakkai stared out into the rain. He couldn't see more than five or six feet into the blackness. Gojyo pushed past him out the door, pulling on a jacket.

"She's not in her room. She's gotta be out there somewhere."

Suppressing other memories, Hakkai hurried out into the rain. Mei knew about the cliffs near their home, but in the dark it was easy to get confused.

Especially if she was sleepwalking again….

Hakkai was snapped out of his train of thought as he heard Gojyo's voice.

"You look that way, I'll take this way.

Gojyo wanted him to look near the cliffs. Fine. Easy enough…

A brief flash of lightning illuminated the jagged cliffs, the black waters crashing below them in a spray of sharp light.

And a single figure, inches from the edge, staring over the water with unseeing eyes.

"Mei!" Hakkai cried, and it seemed Gojyo echoed, from behind him.

He didn't stop to check, instead running for the child. If she took but one more step…

She turned empty eyes on him for a second before he cought her, dragging her away from the cliff.

"Is she okay? What's happening, Hakkai?"

Anything Hakkai could have said was interrupted by Mei's screams.

"Silent hill! SILENT HILL!"

* * *

Okay, I'm sorry. I know it's not my turn. But I had to write this chapter.

It has nothing to do with the story line, and all other chapters will progress as though this did not happen.

Though if anyone wants to continue this crossover, feel free.

Who's tagged next? If it's you… expect a PM soon….


	7. Luthien Ikari

Hello! I bet you thought we were dead, didn't you! Nope, just procrastinating.

Anyway, thanks go out to the next author... Drumroll please... Luthien Ikari! Applause

Poke. 

Happy gurgles erupted from the small, chubby person.

'Hey! Did you hear that Sanzo? She does like me!' Goku grinned triumphantly and poked Mei's belly again. He was seated on the couch beside the pissed looking monk who had the drooling Mei cradled in the crook of his arm.  
Her mood seemed to have improved since Hakkai fed her (some kind of lumpy porridge) and she giggled and blew bubbles at Goku, who had developed a liking for the small creature, the kind of curiosity and delight yousee in little kids with new baby siblings.

'Goku, I would advise against doing that too much. She's just eaten, so she might-'

'FUCK!'

'-throw up,' Hakkai finished weakly as Mei's screams once again filled the room. Sanzo had put her on the floor as he proceeded to beat poor Goku senseless with the harisen that always seemed to travel with him. The front of his robes were now decorated with regurgitated porridge and…carrots? He hadn't given her carrots. Why was it that vomit always had carrots?

He crossed the room and scooped the wailing child from the floor. Why didn't she like him the best? Kids loved him! Goku liked him, right? But Goku  
also adored Sanzo, more than anyone or anything else. Why Sanzo? He was nasty and smelled like cigarettes. Hakkai had always prided himself in his  
immaculate hygiene habits. But looking at Sanzo's front he could see this didn't mean much to a baby.

Sanzo stormed off, and emerged from Hakkai's bedroom minutes later wearing a slightly too large pair of jeans and shirt, holding the robes at arms  
length. Even after they'd returned from the journey Sanzo could still do with eating a little more. He really should look after his health – at  
the rate the blonde was going he'd be dead by the time he hit fifty.

The monk thrust the robes at Goku. 'Wash them,' he commanded, teeth clenched. Goku reached out to grab them, nose wrinkled (sometimes  
Hakkai had to pity that keen sense of smell) but the green-eyed man cut in front.  
'I'll do it.' Who knew what Goku would do to the robes – he didn't need a dead body and a baby to deal with.

He handed the (still screaming) Mei back to her favourite person, where she settled down to sniffling, and headed to the laundry (which hadn't  
existed before he came to live with Gojyo, and was actually a part of the already cramped bathroom).

Sanzo glared down at the bundle, which was once again in his arms. Red eyes stared innocently up at him (reminding him all too much of his first  
encounter with the stupid monkey). How could this not be the kappa's mess? Where was that dirty pervert anyway? He should be the one with the kid!

'Hey Sanzo –'

Death glare. Didn't deter Goku, of course. When would that idiot learn?

'Do you smell… perfume?'

'No.' How could he be smelling perfume? The smell of baby crap emanating from the nearby bin was overwhelming his nostrils. Unless that was what Goku meant, he wouldn't put it past the disgusting little bastard to enjoy something like that.

The sound of Hakkai humming was all that could be heard, faintly in the background. So the clock on the wall decided to make itself audible, as clocks do during awkward silences.

Tick tick tick

How did he end up in this situation anyway? He was just passing through. He was a monk, for crying out loud, not a babysitter.

Tick tick tick

Goku was starting to get hungry. He hadn't had anything except a cup of tea, which he didn't really like anyway. He tried a bit of the baby porridge but it was gross so he spat it out (and got admonished by Hakkai). He wanted to tell Sanzo but he had a feeling now wasn't the best time. Too bad that understanding this concept hadn't come about till after he had to spend long days in a small jeep with the perpetually pissed monk.

Tick tick tick tick tick-

'Screw this.' Sanzo dumped Mei into Goku's arms, where she miraculously  
didn't start screaming. 'I'm going out.'

'But Sanzo –' the blonde had already reached the door. He yanked it open –  
and a girl fell straight onto his chest.

This was wasted completely on a monk who had just spent four hours with a screaming child. He shoved her off. She eeped and turned to run, but he grabbed her arm. She spun back around, hair whipping her face – blonde hair.

'I think we need to have a little chat,' he grunted, and dragged the frightened girl into the house.

--

Gojyo strode forward, face plastered with a smirk that promised dirty thoughts. 'Hey.'

The woman looked up at him, and he noted her eyes widened slightly when she recognised him, but she didn't try and run.

'You.'

'Hey now, that's pretty cold. Seeing as how I'm looking after your kid and all.'

The woman blinked. Using his kappa-senses (Goku swore that he a receptor for this sort of thing in his 'antennae' earning him an uppercut in the  
gut) he discerned she was around twenty-nine to thirty. 'She's not mine.'

Gojyo frowned, but his grin speedily resurfaced. 'I never said anything about a she.'

The woman bit her lip and flicked her hair back. If she wasn't blonde (and too old for his tastes) he'd probably be enticing her to join him for a  
drink, and maybe a stroll… to his room that is. But as it was he didn't think he could enjoy it if he was constantly reminded of that pissy  
monk.  
God, that bastard should be the one with the kid!

'I know. But she's not my baby, she's yours.'

'Sorry, but that kid's mother is blonde. And I don't do blondes.' He grinned sleazily at his little pun.

'Oh you're very funny. But my sister didn't find it funny when you got her so drunk she agreed to do the deed with you and then left her pregnant. She said the father was a half breed, and you're the only on in town.'

Gojyo held up his hands. 'Wait, sister? And this is stupid, youkai and half breeds pass through this town all the time, how do you know it was me?'

The woman hesitated. Apparently she hadn't considered this little flaw in her logic. Blondes.

'It has to be you!' she yelled angrily, standing up. 'You have plenty of time and money, and some kind of weird gay relationship with that teacher from the kindergarten! Linrei is sixteen, our parents are dead and she works every night, how can she be expected to raise a child on her own.'

A bead of sweat slid down Gojyo's temple. His only solace was the child wasn't his. If he got away from this mess unscathed he'd make a mental note to be more careful in the future. What would happen if he really did have a love child? Would he have to change its diaper and hear it cry everyday?  
Hell no!


	8. Verity Niwa

Hi, I'm Verity Niwa (or Ver-chan) bringing you the next chapter. This is my first fic attempt, so thankyou to those who kicked my lazy ass into action! You know who you are! ;)

WARNING: rated T for language (not for the little kiddies. Though little kiddies shouldn't really read Saiyuki anyway.)

* * *

Hakkai sighed as he flipped through the neat stack of sheets, fingers absent-mindedly tracing over the fabric. Something with a high thread count, right size for the cot, maybe a soothing shade of pink or blue…

His emerald eyes widened slightly and a blush darkened his normally pale face as he realised that he had been sorting through a pile of, not baby-sized blankets, but ladies' summer dresses. And judging from the looks he was getting from the young shop assistant, for quite a prolonged amount of time. Oh dear.

"May I help you, sir?"

Feel like babysitting?

"Um, sir?" She quirked an eyebrow and glanced worriedly at him with large blue eyes.

Apparently not.

"No, but thankyou for the offer of help, miss." She didn't look very reassured, but he left the store anyway. After all, he shouldn't bother shopping if he wasn't going to give it the required amount of attention. Lack of sleep had drained him of energy, and no matter how much thought he gave it, he still couldn't work out a solution.

Gojyo was stuck with a child, and while he had grown quite fond of Mei (and she of a certain incurably irate monk, through a strange twist that not even he could fathom), the situation, particularly with the addition of Mei's adolescent mother, had not improved.

In fact, he was quite sure that if the baby was left solely in the care of Gojyo, Sanzo and Goku, it wouldn't have survived very long. To be honest, he had hoped that his role of mothering loud, argumentative and rather smelly individuals incapable of meeting his personal sanitary requirements would have ended after their journey to and from India.

But it seemed that some sadistic, higher being with a sick sense of humour was taking pleasure from ensuring their lives were far from normal.

(Cue amused chuckle from certain goddess of questionable gender lazily watching lily pond.)

("Indeed, Tenpou.")

If Hakkai had have been paying his usual amount of attention to his surroundings, he may have noticed glances directed at him from those in the little town who knew both Gojyo and himself, ranging from the parents of his students at the local kindergarten, to regulars at the bar. But as it turned out, he was much too enveloped in his thoughts about his current situation to notice, or actually care.

* * *

Fuck.

Damn thing. From the moment he met Hakkai, to that God-awful trip to India and back, every time he brought a chick back home and Hakkai left to give them some privacy (always coming up with some polite excuse of course, like laundry or some other homey shit), he just couldn't get a break.

Hakkai didn't help, civil bastard. His constant smiling just made it worse!

Sure, it made him feel good occasionally, but it was always Hakkai who really stirred up certain emotions and thoughts he just couldn't seem to clear.

As much as he tried to reassure himself that it was just because he was living with the other man that it would surface sometimes, he didn't feel any better about it. He was Sha Gojyo! A ladies man, a player. He was used to leaving women and not feeling bad, but with Hakkai it became more personal. He couldn't just leave, say it didn't matter.

He still felt bad about hassling Hakkai.

Fucking conscience!

Gojyo slumped further into the couch. Hakkai was going to so much trouble, feeding, cleaning and buying stuff for the baby. The mother's sister had left earlier, and after getting her panties in a twist and spouting crap about he, Gojyo, being the father.

Damn, he'd always known blondes were too much trouble to be worth it, so why was it that he got dumped with a baby who wasn't even his? Some traveller screws a pubescent chick and he gets the blame!

Tug.

He glanced down at his leg only to see Mei, who had been gurgling away on the rug with one of the many toys Hakkai had purchased for her (she seemed to have a thing for a teddy bear almost the exact shade of Sanzo's hair… creepy) with a death grip on his pant leg.

He didn't know babies' eyes could be so huge, or such a pretty shade of red.

Heh, just like mine, he thought. Only the size of dinner plates. And getting suspiciously wet. Was her lip all trembly like that before? Is that normal?

Oh, shit.

* * *

Hakkai looked up, suddenly alert. He'd left Gojyo with Mei for almost an hour, and was planning to head back, but for a second, he felt a sort of tug of panic in his gut somewhere, almost close to a bad feeling.

Putting it aside, the green eyed man decided to make one last trip, this time to the local market, in order to make purchases necessary unless they wanted to have stale ramen again.

During his time with Gojyo, he had learnt a great deal, but he deemed one lesson particularly important.

Eating Gojyo's cooking, stale ramen from Gojyo's cupboard (or really anything from Gojyo's cupboard that Hakkai hadn't placed there, because that meant it had probably been there since BEFORE they left on their journey) was highly unadvisable.

Turning the corner into the market, Hakkai was glad he had taken the time to grab a coffee in order to wake himself up a bit. The usual bustle of townspeople made their way from stall to stall, and Hakkai smiled as he spotted a meat bun stand. Sanzo and Goku had returned to the temple, but he'd get some in case they stopped by again. Then again, that could be quite some time, judging from the state of Sanzo's robes before he'd washed them. Goku had been just a little too enthusiastic with Mei. The monk had then become very enthusiastic with the harisen. To put it mildly.

Pulling a shopping list from his pocket, Hakkai made his way to the vegetable stand, his slender figure slipping easily through the clumps of people.

Funny, he thought. Do I have something on my face? He smiled politely at the group of staring men, surreptitiously running a hand over his cheek. Nothing… how strange.

The man glanced up at Hakkai before busying himself with a box of fruit.

"Good morning, I'll have a bag of carrots, two lettuces, and- oh! You have apples, I can stew those for Mei, ok, and half a dozen apples. I must say, your produce looks fantastic!"

No reply. Hakkai rearranged his monocle, smiling self-consciously.

The one-sided conversation was interrupted, however, by a familiar high pitched wail, followed shortly by-

"I didn't do anything, I swear! She just started bawling, and she won't friggin' stop!"

Hakkai turned to see the rather unusual sight of Gojyo tearing through the crowd, a panicked expression on his face and holding a screaming Mei at arm's length.

"Please excuse me," Hakkai apologised to the still silent stall-owner, and took Mei from Gojyo, berating him in between making consoling noises to quieten the infant.

"Shh, shh, you're safe now, it's alright- Gojyo, she's not a wild animal. She needs some form of affection when she's upset, just cradle her in your arms, like this-"

Hakkai moved closer to Gojyo in order to avoid being bumped by the many nearby people, and gently tipped Mei into his open arms. For the brief period of time that it took Gojyo to get used to the position, Hakkai kept his arms around both Mei and partially Gojyo, before slowly stepping back.

The noise lessened instantly, to a soft murmur.

"Damn…" Gojyo looked up, grinning at Hakkai.

"See? You're a natural," Hakkai smiled.

The moment was interrupted, however, by a cough from the vendor. Looking around, the pair realised that practically everyone was staring at them, from children pointing and tugging to their embarrassed parents.

"Shh, honey, don't point, come along now-"

Hakkai looked at his friend.

"That's been happening quite a lot recently, I just can't imagine why, though, can you?"

Gojyo, however, wasn't looking at him.

"Gojyo?" The voice remained calm and polite, but Hakkai had sensed that Gojyo knew something that he wasn't keen on sharing.

"Uh, 'Kai, you know what Mei's aunt said when she came over…"

"Well, she was talking very fast, I'm afraid I didn't catch all of the wild accusations she threw at you, no."

Gojyo was… no, was he actually blushing?

"Shit," The redhead muttered, returning Mei to the former foot-length position.

'Well, we live together… and we get a baby, and we both take care of her…"

He swallowed heavily.

"I think some people… well, everyone, really, including that crazy auntie lady…"

Hakkai frowned. He was still failing to see relevance.

"Well, oh fuck, they think that… you and me, you know… are…together…with a baby…" the man trailed off.

Hakkai swallowed heavily.

Oh. Oh…

Oh dear.

* * *

Nice, Ver-chan! I love how this story keeps evolving.

Aaaaand, next up on the roster, Shinigami's Wrath ! And I actually know her too! This started out with people I know, and now there are people I know AGAIN! Woots!

Thanks all of you, again, for your interest!

melissa


End file.
